This might be a shock to those who know me but if I don’t get time alone, I go crazy. I really resonate when the Bible says that Jesus left the crowd to go off to a solitary place. That’s one of those things that I have always loved about Jesus.
You see, it is not that I hate people and they get on my nerves (which I thought it was for a long time). It is just that I am not an extrovert. Most people look at me and think I am. I don’t get my energy from people. I get my energy from sitting alone praying, reading, and doing all those things. That’s where I get re-energized. And that’s the true definition of someone who is extroverted or introverted. It is not about where they are most comfortable but about where do they get energized from.
I believe that I might just be enigma in some ways because I am very comfortable in front of a group of 100, 1,000, or whatever. I am very comfortable in small group settings (I probably thrive in these settings the best). I am also very comfortable in one-on-one settings and also while I am by myself. But all those settings drain me, except for the last.
This used to drive me crazy because I wanted to hang out with people all the time and do those things but I just couldn’t because it would mess me up emotionally, mentally, and physically. But God is redeeming me and reshaping me to realize that I need that time alone every day and some days longer than others. My life is just starting to get in sync with who He is calling me to be and what He is calling me to do and I believe that one of the things that have helped this the most is that I have been focusing on who He made me to be.
One thought about this before closing out. It is sometimes hard for me to get up the energy to hang out with people even though I love being around people. And knowing that I am not truly extroverted, as I thought for so long, helps me understand why I feel that way a lot more. It gives me a lot more perspective about why I am drained. It is not because that person annoys me. It is just that I am not energized by it. I am honestly drained by people a little bit. And that’s okay. Because that is how God has made me.
In closing, I want to let you in on my world at home because this was a struggle when Vickie and I first got married. She needs to have people around her, especially non-kids since she is around them all day. I am perfectly fine sitting alone. And we had many arguments over what to do in the evenings after work and how much time do we get to do our own thing and really just planning out our evenings together. It was a struggle but we have been hugely blessed to understand one another and love one another better each day.
So I encourage you to find out what energizes you and go live accordingly. The answer may surprise you. It truly did me and it shocks most people to hear that it is that case for me.